What cross your mind when you hear these words? Quarter life crisis. It seems like a hot topic for everyone who turns 25 this year or in my case, 24, because I am a year younger than my peers. Everyone is fighting their own battle to overcome this phase of life. What have I accomplished? How far am I from figuring out everything?
I have been in this state for approximately a year and a half. To be honest, I experienced the most disheveled moments of my life just before I reach the quarter life. If you follow the series of spine journey that I write in this blog, probably you are familiar with the ailments that I have, which were getting serious in the past year. As many of you have, I also have plans constructed in my head. I also put efforts to turn dreams into reality.
I’ve learn some lessons from people, moments and my own contemplation.
1.Everyone has their own time and pace. Never compare other’s life to yours. I try not to be distracted by the milestones that people have achieved. I just try to focus on my own goals and objectives. I have problems that seems so difficult for me. However, it doesn’t mean that my problem is much more complex than others, nor it is less complicated. I used to set the deadlines for everything; work in this company / get this prestigious job (although it is not my passion) at this age, get promoted to this role soon, get this certification soon, get admitted for grad school abroad at this age, get married at this age and have children at this age. Now I try not to be too fixated, which will lead to disappointment. Some things like love and children are something we could not force 🙂 Maybe this point is the issue that we, 24-25s, who live in Indonesia, is currently facing. Society tends to push the questions like: ‘When will you be married? You’re 25!’ or if you’re married they will say ‘When will you have your first child?’. The answer is I don’t know, it’s God’s call. At some point, I look around and see everyone’s getting married. I get insecure no more, I just live my own pace.
2.Accepting reality. I used to be a person who always had this thing in my head: ‘Why should I bear this reality?’ whenever I got a problem that becomes an obstacle to my plan or when something that I don’t like happens. That just don’t lead to happiness. It just makes me overthinking and sweat the small things that I probably won’t care the next year. Now I trust God’s plan. Maybe we haven’t achieved something just because we haven’t ready to received it or maybe something that we demand is not good for us. God has prepared the best. Have faith, but don’t stop trying.
3.Appreciate little things that makes you happy. I always thought that life should be grand. It has made me become a hard-to-please and worry-about-the-future person. Now I try to just let loose. I have fun easily and be happy just to notice little things. Like a day off without plan to just unwind, which I used to feel guilty if I didn’t fill it with a to-do-list. The fresh feeling after a productive pilates session. A good laugh or stupid conversations with friends whom I can call every time. Or just simply to hug the person in your life who cares so much about you that you couldn’t ask for more; tell him (or her) that you are thankful for what he has done. Just live in the moment!
4.Have realistic plan with what you can and what you have. Before this year, I always tried to obtain the things I want that I ignored my own health. That was my biggest mistake. I became more pushy and force things harder. Now I know for sure that I should alter what I want to be in life with the circumstances I currently in. In example, I planned to move abroad this year, but I cannot stay away from people who take care of me, like my doctor. It’s fine to delay the plan until I am fully recovered.
5.Life is all about choice; recognize what’s important to you. Several years ago, my life was just around work, ambition and education. It turns out, in my hardest moment, the most important things to me is relationship with people; to surround myself with loving family and friends. I realize now that I am happier when I care, share and give more to people. I change myself to be more warm and considerate. It’s very very important. Let me tell you a story. Several weeks ago, I was told that I am at risk of facing obstacle in future pregnancy. If I were the last-year-girl, I wouldn’t care that much because I didn’t think about building a family soon, but it’s not me anymore. I put the importance of being healthy at my priority, because it is a way for me to build my future family. Moreover, I start to broaden my network with positive people and abandon the negative ones.
Have I already got over the crisis? No, I haven’t. I still make my way out, but one thing I know for sure, I feel more human and accept things for what they are. I’ve handled things I didn’t think I could.
Along the way, I remember the points that I stated above in mind and come back to them whenever I have a doubt or when I feel like I’m wasting my time in the earth. To keep myself sane, I also read books as reference. It really helps. If I may suggest, these are the books you should consider to read:
- The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay
- What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
- The Quarter Life Breakthrough by Adam Smiley Poswolsky
What’s your story? What are your tricks to overcome this phase? Maybe mine sounds cliché, but it really is working right now. Please comment below. It’s lovely to share.